Day 4

On new year’s eve I vowed to myself that this year is going to be differentI said that I will actively look out for my physical and mental health and I will achieve things nobody ever imagined for me to.

It’s the 4th day of 2017, and I’m happy to say that I have done well so far. But today stood out for me for the following reasons:

  • I received 3 gifts today.

Today was the first day of my final year at college. Prior to this was the Christmas break, during which I spent most of my time alone at home. As I mentioned in my New Year’s Resolutions blog post, I realised, over the Christmas break, that I had stopped loving myself (and everyone around me) for a long time and that in 2017, I wish earnestly for the people who I have stopped loving to forgive me as I try to love again.

So, when I received these gifts, I was reminded that there were still people who loved me even when I couldn’t love myself. And the thought of this simply transcended me to cloud nine. Saying I was grateful would be an understatement.

  • I defended my beliefs.

I spent a lot of the last year living inwards; observing the behaviour of others and subsequently designing thoughts of my own. I had so many ideas and opinions about all these different things – big and small, but I never spoke up about any of them. Not any more than a one-sentence mutter anyway… But today, I said something.

I was doing my daily scroll through Twitter, when I came across a tweet chain between two boys from high school. It started off with Guy 1 sharing a link to an article about a woman who, when walking up the stairs to her flat, was approached by two men who forced her to perform oral sex on them. Guy 2 replied to this tweet with something that went a little like: “HAHAHAHA wtf.” Then Guy 1 replies, “HAHAHA yeah I know. I would’ve loved it. HAHAHA” And this ridicule went on for about 6 more tweets.

Normally, when I see something like this, I either ignore it, or block the guys. But, part of my new year’s resolutions was to stop being so complacent and to start speaking up about issues when I feel that there is something that needs to be said. So, I replied to the tweets. I said, “What kind of sick bastards must you be to think that rape is funny?” And the guy who first shared the link said, “Your problem?” And I was about to reply with “Yeah your fucking lack of tact,” but the guy deleted his tweets for what I assume to be cowardice.

I say this on here because first of all, I am proud of myself to have stood up not only for myself, but for my gender; for women all around the world who are silenced and don’t even get the opportunity to say anything, let alone do anything to save themselves. I know that it was only a small thing, but it made the guy think about what he had done, even in the slightest. Furthermore, it propelled my confidence and desire to speak up for the silenced. However, I mostly say this on here as a reminder to all, that much of the problem in gender inequality is the passivity and inferiority of women all around the world. Men who cat call or do stupid things like laugh about rape generally don’t have the confidence to do any more. Hence, it is important to remember that you shouldn’t feel subservient when you are insulted for being a female. Rather, you need to stand up for yourself; Make it clear that women are just as competent, if not more than men are.

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